Episode 47: April Pulvermacher, LMFT
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: I'm also a very sarcastic and humorous person. And so I'm like, well, if I'm going to write a book, I need sarcasm and humor on there cause I'm not going to want to write a, like read a boring book.
Jessica Fowler: Welcome back to what your therapist is reading. I'm your host, Jessica Fowler. On today's episode, we're speaking with April Pulvermacher, who is the author of When Avoiding Your Stuff Is No Longer Serving You, Your Emotional Boot Camp Journal for Your Inner Child in Shadow Work. April has her master's degree in marriage and family therapy and owns her own private practice in South Central Wisconsin. She has dedicated the majority of her life to helping the nonconformists of their society feel a little less lonely while also bringing friendship, creativity, and art into their lives.
If you are enjoying these episodes and would like to support the podcast, please leave us a five star review. After today's episode, head on over to social media @therapybookpodcast to learn about the latest giveaway. And as always the information shared on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
Welcome April.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Hi, how are you doing today? Thank you for having me.
Jessica Fowler: I am doing well. So, we're going to start with a question. What is a memory of how reading has impacted you?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: So, when I was little, I hated reading. Awful. I would cry. I wouldn't want to do it. I was low in my class. Um, I hated the stuff that they made me read in school until about, I would say, fourth grade, my teacher, Mrs. DeRongs, um, had me Read Goosebumps. All the girls are reading Babysitters Club. And I thought it was silly and boring and I didn't want any part of it, but the boys are reading Goosebumps and so she gave me what the boys are reading. And I fell in love like that. I love the stories. I love the characters. I love the images that popped up in my head. And from then on, once I found the books that I actually enjoyed versus what other people made me read or thought I would like, but I really didn't because I didn't know me um, then it just took off and now reading is one of my biggest self care items that I do.
Jessica Fowler: Have you watched the TV show?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Yes.
Jessica Fowler: So, I, My, I have three children. And so the two oldest one, when that little one goes to bed, we do a show. And so that was one of the shows that we did. The Goosebump one that came out there. So, this year, like there's like, it was a new one that just came out this past year.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: That's so funny. I don't think I've seen those ones, but I seen like, they used to have like, I think a movie and some other shows back in the day. And I would watch them like, Oh, I remember this book. And I'd get all excited about it.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, this is like a 2023 or 24. I mean, we just watched it not that long ago that came out.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Okay.
Jessica Fowler: So, I actually have never read the books. It made me wonder if these was what was in the books because I was like, wow, I think like third and fourth graders read these books.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Yeah, looking back, I'm like, you know, I feel like if my niece were to read this, she might have, you know, some nightmares or something, but I was watching X Files back in the day. So, my mom didn't appreciate dad letting me watch X Files, but I was like, no, this is so cool. And then it only makes sense that Goosebumps, goosebumps were right up my alley.
Jessica Fowler: We loved the show. So good. So what is, how would you like, what is your hope for how this book impact? Well, it's a journal, how this, how this journal impacts your readers?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Well, just positively, I would hope that this book relieved the people better than where they started. It has a couple of chapters in the beginning of, you know, humor and sarcasm and just explaining how, like what happens in the brain when you go through trauma, and some of the questions in here just makes you think. So, I would, I would hope that it allows some insight and clarity as to why we are the way we are, and what brought upon certain challenges that they're experiencing and maybe provide some hope that it doesn't always have to be that way.
Jessica Fowler: Can you kind of set up how the journal is? So when somebody picks up the book, what they're getting?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Sure. Absolutely. So, there's technically four chapters in the beginning. Um, there's an intro chapter, a couple of chapters on, you know, how trauma affects the brain, psychoeducation. It deals with the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex, all that. Um, and it just explains like, this is what happens in your brain when you're getting triggered, when you're having a PTSD moment or when you're getting really frustrated or when something in your life happened when you were younger. And then now all of a sudden, you're like, why am I. Expressing my emotions in such a tense and intense way. And it's like, well, it's cause your adult self isn't re responding to this thing that's happening to you. It's your child self. I love learning about parts. I haven't had any training in the IFS world, but I love learning about the IFS internal family systems world. And one thing I know, um is like our cellular memory remembers everything that we have ever experienced in our life, including with what happened to us when our moms were pregnant. And so, I find that so fascinating. And so in the book, it kind of talks about how, you know, if you're getting triggered, it's not your current self. It might be your 16-year-old self, or I know I have a very defiant inner 13 year old self inside of me. And so ,when someone is like, you should really do this, my 13 year old self is like, yeah, I'm not going to. And then maybe my logic comes in of like, you know, this isn't such a bad idea, but my instant reaction is no. No, no, I don't want to. And so, the, it, the couple of chapters talks about that. And it also provides some resources as to further, um, books that you can read to learn more about how trauma affects the body. And then there's also a chapter on coping skills. So, there's, I think, 11 coping skills in this chapter of simple ones that we probably already know, such as four square breathing or progressive muscle relaxation, or a couple of different ones that I created. Um, there's one that uses bubbles. I love using bubbles in my session. So that's always fun. And then after that, there are, um, there's a chapter on how to journal. Because sometimes we're like, I'll ask people questions and they just give me like an easy answer. I'm like, yeah, that's, that's the fluffy answer. What, what's underneath that? That's the safe one that we just want to paint that pretty picture that just sounds good. We have to get underneath that if we're actually going to be doing the work. And so there's a chapter and then on the, on how to journal and examples of how to journal. I'm an example person. I'm a visual person. And then after that, there are 366 questions, one for every day of the year, including a leap year, which is this year, ironically enough. Um, and then there's lines in the book. There's space for you to journal in the book. So, you don't have to have just these questions and a different book to write in. You can, but it's set up for you to write in the book. There's a spot for pick your emotion of the day. Where earlier there's a list of emotions you can choose from, and then there's a, an I'm grateful for spot that you can do. And then there's a couple little emoji signs of like weather. So, you can circle what the weather's like that day to see if your moods are tracked by the weather or affected by them. And then the date. So, it's set up pretty user friendly.
Jessica Fowler: And so the questions you have for journaling, each one, each day is different.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Each day is different. Yep. There's 366 questions, except for on the seventh day, there's a check in question. So it was a check in of, you know, what was easy for you for these questions? What was difficult? Did anything pop up that's still affecting you? Did anything else happen this week that you just want to write about? So, there's just a couple check in questions every seventh day. Um, but other than that, every single question is different.
Jessica Fowler: Can you give some examples of some of the questions?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Absolutely. So some of these questions, some of them can be a little fluffy, but a lot of them are kind of more intense to really make you think. So, uh, question 122. What is the most hurtful thing I have done to myself and what influenced my decision? How can I start healing that wound? Um, let's see here. When have I opened up to someone and felt rejected? What did I share and how did they respond? Also, this one deals with what happened in your childhood. Was I allowed to say no or ask why growing up? How was that received in my family if I did? How has that affected me as an adult?
I really like that one because it shows were you allowed to have boundaries as a child or were you in the home where if you asked why you instantly got the look or a shoe or I'll say it again or what you know any type of negative response or were you allowed to actually ask questions and have your voice heard and that usually shows people as adults are we allowed to say no because no is a complete sentence or do we feel like we have to justify everything that we say or well, I can't really do that because of this because of that and whatever or do we say yes to everything and then feel overwhelmed because we didn't really want to say yes and now we said yes and now we're feeling resentful towards that person because we said yes, even though it's not their fault we said yes, that's our stuff that we have to hold ourselves accountable for. So, you know. The beginning questions, it kind of goes in a phase of it starts with a lot of childhood stuff. And then it goes into current self-stuff. And then towards the end of the year, it turns into future stuff. Um, what does my future self-look like? Um, what is my favorite version of myself? Um, so there's kind of a theme of growth, even within the questions as well.
Jessica Fowler: And so one of the things that I liked in the chapters leading up to it is there, like, so you talk about the inner child and doing that work and, and one section you talked about, you know, how we can feel like we go from zero to 60 so quickly and learning how to take some space and to grow that space to help do some of that work. So ,it's not always those reactions. Can you say a little bit more about that?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: So, you know, we, we have those people or those moments where we're like, yeah, someone said this and I just saw red or I just get mad and I'm not held accountable to anything that happens after that, or I have no control over myself or, or, I just go zero to 60, right. And it totally feels that way. And I get it cause I've been there too. We're all human when no one's perfect. Right. And depending on how we were raised and how our brains developed, it definitely does that because our neural pathways, are like freeways and the ones that we use the most are like the main four lane five lane highways that we drive on there's street signs there's lights like it is just paved and so if we are used to reacting to people, to ourselves, to any emotion that we're feeling, that's uncomfortable.
We just, we can just go like it's muscle memory. We were getting from here point A to point B without even thinking about it, um, because the roads are paved. The thing is, is it took time to build those neural pathways to get to those four or five lane highways. And if we can train our brain to build a new pathway to create space to recognize what's happening in our body, to recognize, hey, when someone reacts this way, or when I'm around people that are drinking, or when I'm around this person, I'm already a little bit more on edge or before I even get to the situation, how is my body feeling? It allows you more time to recognize how can I take care of myself? How can I make my body, my emotions of priority? And when we do that, it slows down the process. Now the thing is, is that takes time and when people are saying, you know, I do things the hard way. That's just how I learned. Well, technically, you're doing things the easy way because that's the way that you just automatically want to go because you got the four-lane highway. If you want to do things the hard way. Let's do something different. And it might look like, you know, creating a trail in the middle of the woods. Like a deer trail, you know, for using kind of that metaphor. And then the more we do that, it expands. So now we have, you know, a four-wheeling trail in the back, in our mind, when we're creating these neural pathways. And then the more we do that, then we're creating a dirt road. And then the more we're doing that, then we're creating an old, paved road. So, it takes time and effort to clear out these new ways of being. It's not easy. And it's also rewarding if we can get there, if we take the time and the patience and the consistency to work on ourselves.
Jessica Fowler: I love that analogy. And I was actually, when you were talking, I was thinking almost like, so, yeah, like go into the woods and do that. But I, in my mind went to learning how to take the scenic route, right. Observing what's happening and slowing down enough so you can create that new pathway too. Um, so I like that analogy. I'm going to have to use that.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: I mean, we can look at the pretty, we can be like Bob Ross, like, look at the pretty little tree. Over here in the happy little cloud, and then look at the bird, and did you see the deer in the field? And we're in Wisconsin, so anytime we go in the country, we have to say cow. You know, like, oh, there's a cow, oh, there's a deer. Like, it's a requirement, and it's an unspoken requirement. I don't know how it happened, but if we're so focused on just getting there, and just doing the things, and we can't actually enjoy the journey, and as cheesy as that saying is, it's so true. And we get so destination focused. Um, I think it causes a lot of anxiety cause then it's just what's next? What's next? Versus, Oh, that was really cool. Yeah. I really liked that. Did you see those trees? It was really pretty.
Jessica Fowler: Why did you write the book?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Well, it didn't start off as a book. It originally started off as a list of questions because I'm, was speaking to my clients about journaling and they're like, I don't know what to write. And I'm like, okay. So, I just started finding cool questions. I started making my own questions and I just started making a word document. And then I, at one point I ended up having like a hundred and some questions. I'm like, this is a lot of questions. And so, then I broke it up a past, present and future. And then I would use that in session or I would just print them out and give them to my clients. And then some of my clients were, well, I got this really cool journaling book to write in because I have your questions, but I don't want to ruin the book. I'm like what? They're like, it's such a pretty book, and I can write in pencil, but then I might erase it, or it fades, and I don't want to write in pen, because what if I scribble in it, and I'm like, the new scribble in it. It's okay. Like it's supposed to be that way. They're like, but I don't want to ruin the book. I'm like, you're not ruining the book. I'm like, oh goodness. Okay. So then I'm like, if I create a book where you can just write in it, cause I've seen other journals like that, and I think they're genius, right? Like, would you write in it? And they're like, yeah. I'm like, all right. But like, let's go. And so I started gathering more questions. I'm like, well, I don't want it to be just a question book because I've seen those. And then, then, then what, you know, like I wanted something more integrative and more informative. So, they're not just left hanging with these questions. And so that's kind of how I started creating the chapters in between. And, I'm also a very sarcastic and humorous person. And so ,I'm like, well, if I'm going to write a book, I need sarcasm and humor on there cause I'm not going to want to write a, like read a boring book. Why would anybody else want to read a boring book? And so that's when I made it kind of more funny and user friendly. Um, and that's kind of how the book started. Like I really did it for my clients, um, to help them on their journey. And then I'm like, well, who else can this help? Can this reach more people? I live in a small town in Wisconsin. Like, that's great. Like everybody is important, but can more people, um, get involved in this? Can more people utilize this resource and how can I reach out to them? And so, I really appreciate being on this podcast so I can get I can reach more people and then they can utilize it as well. So ,thank you.
Jessica Fowler: Oh, you are welcome. It's a good resource, right? I love that you said that too, that you have sections in there to just actually write it. It's not, you know, read it and then go find another journal to put it in. And you have the educational piece, which is super important when you're bringing up, um, stuff from the past, right? Helping them understand what could be happening and, you know, reminding them if it's too much, you can probably go to therapy, get support, going through this process with somebody.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, there's definitely been people that have used the book and they're like, man, I thought I had a good childhood, but I'm writing in these answers and I'm like, man, maybe not. Or, you know, I think this would be such a great tool for other therapists to use with their clients because sometimes we get stuck. You know, therapists are humans, just like everybody else. And sometimes we do get stuck or we don't know exactly what to ask. So if the clients are doing some of these questions and then they bring the journal into session, how cool of that, like interactive response, that way of working with your client that you can just work through and it creates really good conversation.
Jessica Fowler: Definitely. I say that a lot about the books on the podcast that I think a lot of them are for therapists to that it's a tool that you can often use in session. Who else should be picking up your book?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Anyone that is just sick of the way they're living their life. Like this world is a hot mess. Let's be real. The whole world is a hot mess and we can't change anything except for ourselves. So, we can't fix other people. We can't make anybody else do what we want them to do. We can complain and we can do all that, but we can't change what other people do. But if we're noticing a pattern in our life, if we're noticing, you know, my relationships suck, or I keep arguing about the same things, or I keep getting stuck here, or I'm feeling a little empty or numb in my life, why is this or anyone that really just wants to learn more about themselves that doesn't have to have like an extreme traumatic childhood or, or interaction in their life that they just want to learn more. I would recommend this book, usually people over 20. Um, and I say that just because there is some language in the book because I'm a little sassy and I want to make it more interesting.
Um, but also some of the questions deals with teenage self and childhood self. And if you're still a teenager, it's tough to look back, but some kids might still totally love it. So, I'm not against that at all, but honestly, just anyone that wants to look at their life a little bit differently to maybe give themselves some hope that things don't always have to be this way.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. What's the best way our listeners can connect with you?
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: You can go to my website. It's www.gracefulinsighttherapy.com and my book information is on there and you can email me on there as well.
Jessica Fowler: Excellent. Well, thank you so much for coming on and chatting today.
April Pulvermacher, LMFT: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. This was a beautiful experience.
Jessica Fowler: Thank you for listening to this week's episode of What Your Therapist Is Reading. Make sure you head on over to the website or social media to find out about the latest giveaway. The information provided in this program is for educational and informational purposes only. And although I'm a social worker licensed in the state of New York, this program is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a patient therapist relationship.