Episode 9: Dr. Tanya S. Crabb
Jessica Fowler: Welcome back listeners to What Your Therapist is Reading. I'm your host, Jessica Fowler. On today's episode, we're changing things a little bit, as we are talking with Tanya Crabb about her novel, Living the Dream, a military coming of age story. Dr. Tanya Crabb is a licensed clinical psychologist, first generation college student, Jamaican immigrant, comic book enthusiast, and prior service Marine and Gulf War veteran.
She earned her BA in psychology from the City College of New York. She received her master's and doctorate degrees in clinical psychology from the Hawaii School of Professional Psychology. So, take a listen as Tanya and I discuss her book and all of the things that are covered in it. Even though this is a novel, we discuss all things around mental health.
And I do want to add a trigger warning as trauma is discussed in this book, but I'm adding that because this is a podcast related to mental health. And please note the information shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
Welcome back listeners. Today, we are talking to Tanya Crabb about her book, Living the Dream.
Welcome Tanya.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Hey, how's it going?
Jessica Fowler: It's good. It's so good to meet you. I'm really excited to have you on to talk about your book today.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Oh, I'm excited to be here. I'm just grateful for an opportunity to discuss more.
Jessica Fowler: Nice. So, I was wondering if you could maybe just start with sharing a little bit about yourself.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Oh, absolutely. So, I am a licensed clinical psychologist. Um, I got my doctorate in Hawaii of all places. Um, but beyond that, I am a wife, a mom, a private service Marine veteran, I'm a desert storm veteran. I'm a comic book enthusiast. I'm pro to prone to random acts of dancing. Um, I am a staunch mental health advocate.
Um, and I'm working on another book, but that's another conversation.
Jessica Fowler: Oh, that's exciting. Can you share a little bit about this, what this book is about?
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Oh, yeah. So, this book is about a young lady who enlisted in the military at the age of 17 to to escape her home life, um, which is problematic in a lot of different ways.
And she finally gets to the military and she finds like a home. She's happy. She's got a boyfriend. She's got friends. Life is going well. And then she gets deployed to combat and everything sort of gets upended again. And in this book, it's, it's, uh, I call it a coming-of-age story because She's only 18 when she joins and she learns a lot about herself. She learns a lot about the military. She learns a lot about her strength and resilience along the way. Um, but it is not pretty, it is not easy. Um, which is why it's important for people to know that there are elements of trauma in this book. Um, that being said, it's not specifically a book about trauma. Trauma is just part of the growth process in her life. It's something she experiences that she then has to, to figure out how to navigate in this combat landscape. It's a really good book to understand what the experience of being a female in the military is because it talks about some of those challenges and some of those difficulties, but it's also a story about sisterhood, you know, and I'm learning to lean on those closest to you.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, there is definitely a lot of different elements. So, there was Maya's story, right? And her backstory and everything that was happening in her family. And then the story of what it's like to be in the military and then right to be an active duty and go off to war and then sort of this after, right, not even after at the same time, the adult like the coming-of-age part, right, that story that's happening and how it's all intertwined and exploring it.
And I said to you earlier when we were chatting, and you just said it again, sort of that because this is a mental health podcast, I want to give that kind of trigger warning, right, that there is trauma that is talked about in the book. It's not about the trauma, it's the story of what's happening and her way of working through everything and getting the support and the sisterhood. I like how you said that.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: I loved writing Maya. She was, it was an absolute fun writing her because she's, um, It's honest. It's complicated. You know, um, she doesn't have a life perfectly, but, but 18-year-old perfectly. So, it's sort of a bird's eye view into the experience of, um, womanhood at the same time, you know?
So, it was a really fun book to write. It took like forever. I tell you how long you'd be like, Oh my God.
Jessica Fowler: Well, I read in the end that you were encouraged to write it. Right. Like you started with a short story and then encouraged to write it into a book.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Yeah. So, um, when I first got out of the military over 30 years ago,
Jessica Fowler: I would not have guessed that.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: I got out in 92. Um, I really had this desire to share the experience of cause our stories just didn't exist.
And when they, you know, any military stories are typically male, and all our stories are typically from the deficit model, you know, here's the horrible things that are happening here, the difficulties that we're facing. There weren't really a lot of stories that talked about the transition of being, being woman. I use that term loosely because at 18 was I really been being woman and then moving into this environment where nobody tells you what this version of you was supposed to look like. And you're just kind of figuring it out as you go along and the military picks us up at a very crucial age, you know, um, these are our formative years. These are when we're still figuring out who we want to be, who we're supposed to be, um, what feels like us and then to have to do that in the backdrop of a combat environment is a whole nother animal. It's a whole nother animal. So, I wanted it to be funny. I wanted it to be interesting, but I think mostly I wanted it to be honest was my goal for writing that story and, um, when I first started writing it, it took me a really long time to get it out because kind of like the character I hadn't found my voice. I didn't think my voice had value, so I just kind of hit it away, showed it to a couple of people. So, it took many, many years and, you know, after a while, I think it was my husband was like, so about that book. And then one day I read a Brene Brown book and took the leap.
Jessica Fowler: Brene Brown does that.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: I think it was Daring Greatly was the book. I was like, I can dare greatly. So here I am daring greatly.
Jessica Fowler: And you did it.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Yeah, I did. And you know, as much as I want readership, I really want people to take something away from it. It's not a profit driven thing. You know, it really is about sharing a woman's story for the masses. So that people can understand all of it, you know.
Jessica Fowler: And in the story to she's a Jamaican immigrant right. Right. Okay. Um, and so that plays into the story too. And so, it's a combination of kind of all of these things that are going on and just hearing this one woman's story. Um, and one of the reasons I said to you earlier too, that I wanted you on the podcast about this, because this is not the typical book so far that I've had on the podcast. They've definitely been in the genre of like self-help, but this is a novel. And I just loved the idea of the book. I loved the female perspective in the military.
Like you said, getting to just understand what happens. I have no experience in the military. My dad was in the Navy, but he was out before I was born. So, I didn't grow up in that life. Um, so just kind of seeing and hearing some of what that military and specifically the Marines, even some of the language, some of, um, Right, even living the dream W M like these things that I did not know. So, I now know.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: You know, um, I think the one thing that I would say, you know, in the process of writing the book, and as I, as I meet people who ask about the book, they're like, Is it you? Tell me it's you.
Jessica Fowler: I was not gonna ask that question.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: Um, so, because I have a, I share a lot of similarities with the character, you know, I enlisted at 17. I was deployed to Desert Storm, you know, so a lot of those, those background pieces are familiar to me, you know, but then I've also had a lot of conversation with women in the military and the process. I've, I've had a lot of conversations around mental health in the process. So, um, in case anyone is asking that question to answer that question. Um, like every book written, there are always pieces of our experiences in the stories. They're not necessarily our stories. But they definitely represent aspects of our life. And, um, the, the other reason why I wrote the book was I wanted to have a, shape the perspective of women in the military. You know, you see there are the good, the bad and the ugly.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah.
Dr. Tanya S. Crabb: In the story, you know, to, to, to sort of, um, disavow this idea that there's only one type of military woman, you know, or to sort of combat the stereotypes around military women. So that was really super important to me. And actually, one of the greatest compliments I've ever received was a female Marine telling me, she saw herself in the book. I was like, she said, she said, you gave words for my experience and that was everything to me. That was everything to me. And when someone who hasn't served said, I think I have a better understanding of what the experience of service is like for women, those mean more to me than, than anything else. If you can read the book and, and it can shape your perspective on women, but it can also help you to feel like you understand what's underneath it all.
Jessica Fowler: Well, I like what you said too. I didn't even think about this when I was reading it, but you do do that. The different perspectives of the women, right? That they're not, it's not just one way. The different personalities, different experiences, how they're handling things like all of that is, you know, it's not the same just for one person and you do a really good job with that sharing the different experiences.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Thank you. And I try really hard to not have perfection be the goal in these women because none of us, none of us.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: You know, we, we, we experienced what we experienced and we move through life and we figure it out along the way and also sort of wanted to do a counter messaging also which is I didn't want to paint male Marines in any particular light as well. Because there's the good, the bad, and the ugly there too, and you get to sort of meet them and you get to see that. They're all complicated and we're all complicated. And when I was writing the book, I also, I wanted it to be, um, relatable. I wanted it to be interesting. Um, I wanted it to be encouraging. So, um, and that was part of the difficulty I think in writing this story in the beginning is that that mental health piece.
Right. I wanted to be sure that what I was sending out messaging wise was, um, congruent with who I am, you know, and congruent with how I believe how I view people, which is that we're all trying the best that we can. And sometimes we struggle and it's a growth process and life is a growth process and and we stumble through it and if we're lucky we find people to help us along the way. Um, but we're all coming to know who we are and that's especially true I think of service members. Because they are so young, you know, I think there's almost half of us are under the age of 25.
Jessica Fowler: Oh, wow.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Yeah. We're in the Marine Corps particularly is a very youthful population of people, and then, but we make life or death decisions. You know, we're thrown into environments that are brand new, you know, we're still sorting it out. In the midst of it all. So, it was a lot of fun to write. Um, it took a minute, but it was a lot of fun.
Jessica Fowler: Well, it sounds like it was worth it to write it too.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: I hope so. I hope that whoever reads it feels like it was worth it to write it because that's the most important thing to me.
Jessica Fowler: Well, I hope you feel like it was worth writing.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: I do because I, when I started writing it, it was literally because I felt like I had a story to tell.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: And I wanted to have a voice. In the world that wasn't just the typical military voice.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: So, yeah, I think it was worthwhile.
Jessica Fowler: Who do you think should be reading your book?
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Everybody.
Jessica Fowler: What's wrong with that?
Dr. Tanya Crabb: So, uh, who would my audience be? Let me think about that. Um, I think probably adults just because of the language and the content, you know, that's contained in it. Um, I would love for military leadership to read it, so that they can understand what happens with women in the military and the places and positions we're in in terms of trying to figure out who we are.
I am delighted that military women are reading it. I am delighted that civilian women are reading it. I don't, and interestingly enough, most recently, I had a mail service member read it and he really liked it, which was like, I didn't consider that it was a book, but, but I sincerely mean that I think anyone who, um, likes a story, anyone who likes a story about someone who, um, I guess as a, as a fighter, as an underdog, anyone who wants to read a story about someone making their way through life and doing the best that they can, anyone who wants to read a story about someone who's determined not to let her history determine her future. You know, it's, it's, it's, I like to say it's, it's a drama story. It's a love story. It's an adventure story. Um, you will laugh, you will cry, you will root for people.
Jessica Fowler: Yes.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: It's like watching your favorite television show, but on paper.
Jessica Fowler: I definitely did all of those things. At the end, I was crying.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Yes. And that's the other thing I get. The one compliment that I received that I love the most is you cannot predict the ending. There's, you cannot predict the ending. If you are used to solving the mystery by the end of the book, you will not solve this mystery.
Jessica Fowler: I would agree with that. I did not see it coming, but.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Yeah. And we'll talk offline but the endings are always purposeful.
Jessica Fowler: So, I like that. Any other I know you sort of said one or two but any other takeaways that you want your readers walking away from after reading this book or taking away with them after reading this book.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: You're stronger than you think you are. Is one takeaway. There is power and community is another takeaway. And life doesn't have to be perfect to be good, you know, we, we figure it out as we get going and life will throw us a lot of loops. But as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there.
Jessica Fowler: One thing I really liked about the book and I'm not going to say a lot about this part, but the idea of the journey that it took to work on breaking the cycle. And setting up boundaries and saying, no, I thought it was really powerful.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: And that moment of doing that, right. So, breaking off things that have happened in the past with family. Setting that boundary, ending that cycle, I thought was really powerful.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: So, you know what's interesting about it is that it is a story about family. Family of origin and family of choice.
Jessica Fowler: Yes.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: So, it is, at its core, a story about family and who loves you versus who just say they love you. And recognizing those spaces of love. You know, um, the character's family starts out as very problematic, but along the way she gets to understand what family truly is in the context of the military and a lot of people don't necessarily realize that the military is a family. You know, you have a bunch of cousins and brothers and sisters and some you don't like and some you want to disown and so, but some that are, you know, there for you and in all shapes and places and it's, it's interesting that it's not just your peers oftentimes leadership, you know, that steps into that family role, and sees that he sees your value and helps to help you to find your value. So, it, she, the character, in essence, did a lot of growing up in a short period of time. Um, from when she left her home to when she got back and along the way, she found family.
Jessica Fowler: Yes. Well, thank you so much for coming on and talking to me today. I really appreciate it.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Thank you for having me and look out for my next book.
Jessica Fowler: Well, well, that reminds me, where can our listeners find you?
Dr. Tanya Crabb: Oh, all over the place. Depends on what you're looking for me for. If you're looking for my book, um, I'm on Amazon. So, take a peek for me there. If you're looking for my book and some mental health wisdom, I'm also at Dr. Brooklyn Chick. That's B R O O K L Y N C H I C K.com online. If you're looking for me as a dance partner, I'm also on TikTok.
Jessica Fowler: Nice.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: And Instagram, doing the exact same thing, spreading mental health messages, but with a funky jam playing in the background. So, come dance with me and that's, um, D R B K L Y N C H I C K. I'm at drbrooklynchick on Instagram. I have a drbrooklynchick Facebook page. I have a drbrooklynchick on Tik Tok. So, um, come on through.
Jessica Fowler: Nice. Well, thank you so much.
Dr. Tanya Crabb: It's been an absolute pleasure.
Jessica Fowler: Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of What Your Therapist Is Reading. Make sure you head on over to the website or social media to find out if there's a giveaway going on.
The information provided in this program is for educational and informational purposes only, and although I'm a social worker licensed in the state of New York, this program is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a patient therapist relationship.