Episode 31: Maureen Kane, LMHC, LPCP
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: When we don't know who we are, it's really hard to make decisions. It's hard to make changes in therapy. It's hard to choose good people to be around. And so this felt really foundational for the folks that I've been working with.
Jessica Fowler: Welcome back to What Your Therapist is Reading. I'm your host, Jessica Fowler. On today's episode, we are speaking with. Maureen Kane about her book, A Guide Back to You, A Workbook for Exploring Who You Are and Staying True to Yourself. Maureen Kane lives in Bellingham, Washington with her family. She's a mental health therapist in private practice in Washington and Idaho.
She is a certified EMDR therapist and approved EMDR international association EMDR consultant. She is a Washington state clinical supervisor. Maureen has been published in many places, including Time Magazine and Book Anthologies. She is the Sue Boynton Poetry Walk Award winner. Her book of poems is Phoenix Requires Ashes, Poems for the Journey.
After today's episode, make sure you head on over to social media and @therapybookspodcast to find out about the latest giveaway. And as always, the information shared on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.
Jessica Fowler: Welcome back listeners. Today we are speaking with Maureen Kane about her workbook, A Guide Back to You: A Workbook for Exploring Who You Are and Staying True to Yourself. Welcome Maureen.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Thanks for having me.
Jessica Fowler: So, let's just jump right in. Let's talk about this workbook and this topic coming back to yourself. Can we just start there and share why this was important to you?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yeah, I think for a few reasons. Um, I put together the book because my clients kept asking, like, how do I know who I am? How do I know what I want? How do I know what kind of partner to have? I've lost my way and I just couldn't find anything that was in existence and so I put together all of the tools that I know and use it for my clients and the clients of those that I supervise, um, and, uh, just the kind of folks that were asking. As folks who were as children, they were raised to be a certain way, so they didn't get to explore who they were, or they forgot who they were because they got lost in parenting or, um, a particular culture or religion that they're not a part of anymore. Um, some have left abusive relationships where they were twisting themselves and knots trying to please someone else or just life changes.
Um, I'm ill now, and I have a different way of being in the world, or I graduated or retired, or my kids left. So, there's all these places where we can kind of lose our way. And when we don't know who we are, it's really hard to make decisions. It's hard to make changes in therapy. It's hard to choose good people to be around.
And so, this felt really foundational for the folks that I've been working with.
Jessica Fowler: So, what does that mean to? Kind of know yourself or find your way back to yourself. What does that mean for you?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: That's a really great question. Um, I, I think there's a lot of different ways that can mean ways that can mean for people. That's okay. Um, and that's one of the reasons why the book has so many options, but some of it is knowing what are my values? How do I want to spend my time? If I know my values that can guide that, what are my interests? What am I not into? What do I want to say no to? So, there's all kinds of entries into getting to know yourself better so that we move from our center and not from what society or other people are telling us we should be.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, how we should be. Especially if we've experienced something, right? Like becoming a mom or an illness or you should do this or a loss. You should do this. You should do this. So,
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: right. Yeah. You should have this experience and these feelings and oh my gosh, it's horrible for moms that have social media, right?
You should. Just everything should be organic and you should also stay home, but you should also have enough money to support your kids. But you should also, it's just, you know, you really have to get centered or you can just lose your way.
Jessica Fowler: Do you kind of just shared a little bit about what was in the book, but when somebody opens up your workbook, what are they getting?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Oh, there's a belt. 40 different exercises that people can try, and they're all different. There's not one way to do this. So I just encourage people to go through the book and see what fits for them. So some of them are around imagery. Some of them are around writing. Some of them are sorting cards. Some are meditation, some are active.
And so my hope is that people can try a lot of things and through the exploration, get closer and closer to. What their center is.
Jessica Fowler: So one of the things I noticed when I first opened this book that I appreciated was that you, you kind of just started with grounding yourself or centering yourself. Um, I think there was like four different exercises to do that. And I thought that was such a great way to start. Like, let's just, you know, as therapists, we talk about this a lot or even, you know, doing it before sessions, doing something to center ourselves to sort of just be. And you said four ways of, to just kind of try to do that in the beginning and then be able to do that work, right? It's easier to do that work from a place of being centered than when we're not.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yeah. Yeah. I suggest in the book that people, um, pick one of the floor that's, that works for them and do that before the exercises, because now we're aware of our bodies. Now we're aware of what we're thinking. Now we're not distracted.
And then it's easier to focus on ourselves. Yeah. And I don't mean that in a selfish way, but of, of self knowledge.
Jessica Fowler: What is one of your favorite ones for centering yourself?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Um, well, I like all the ones that I had, but the ones that are offered are particular breathing techniques. Um, there's techniques where you're using all your senses to notice where you are. What am I seeing? What am I hearing? What am I feeling with my sense of touch? And that helps ground us in the space we're in so that we're not thinking about the past or the present. There's an exercise where you can use a container if something's really bothering you. You can imagine, uh, imaginatively put something into a container or in reality, you can write it down and put it in a container and promise it that you'll come back so that our mind isn't like, don't forget, don't forget.
And then there's a mindful walking exercises too for people that are just not, people that like to sit still, that can be a lovely way to ground while moving.
Jessica Fowler: And so, you mean to not focus on the past or the future right to be present?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yes. Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: Okay. So, the book has several exercises, you know, past sort of getting centered about finding your way of like who you are. Do you have another favorite one that you liked?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: There's an idea that I like a lot and then it dives deeper in the book. So, there's this idea, it came from Rachel Naomi Remen, this idea of and the idea is that everything in life has a purpose. So ,if you're a tree, you're, you're making oxygen, you make home for birds, you, you know, a tree knows what it's about.
And humans are the only ones that don't know what our giveaway is. And there's about six exercises in there to help point to that giveaway and a giveaway. People think that's a vocation, right? Like if I'm an artist, that's my giveaway, but actually that's not the case. And a giveaway for an artist might be making people think. It might be inspiring people. It might be helping people gather. And so, once we have that nugget of kind of what lights us up and what we uniquely bring to the world, we can apply that whatever we're doing. So, when I work with people struggling with what to do for work, we do this giveaway work because then, you can apply it wherever you're going, and you can see if those environments support you having your giveaway. So, for example, mine seems to be finding the best noticing the best in people and helping them bring that out. And, um, so I've done that as a manager, I've done that as a therapist. I've done that with family. And so, wherever I go, I can move from that space. And then it doesn't become like, should I be a janitor or a barista?
And it opens up a lot more joy in life. Um, so I really love that exploration.
Jessica Fowler: So, I was unfamiliar with that. And I'm so glad that you brought that up because I really liked that too. And I liked the exercises that were around it. I know it's something that I will be using. I think there was a meditation one.
Yeah. I thought it was a great concept. I'm like, this is such a great way of looking at what we do and what we have to offer for the world.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yeah. And then it helps with burnout too, because people, if we're not using our giveaways, we're going to get burnout. But if we know what it is, we might be able to create more of it in the environments that we're in.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I love that. Who is this book for?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Oh gosh, this book's for anyone. Like I, like I was mentioning really anyone that wants to know themselves better. So it could be, you know, teens coming into the world. It could be older adults who are retiring, someone who lost a spouse, really any of those places where we're like, whoa, the ground's a little different now.
So, some people never got to explore this and this is new territory. And some people are having changes in life. And this helps reground them. You know, I'm making this up, but maybe I moved to a new city. Well, if I know who I am and what I like to do and what I want to say yes and no to, it's going to be a lot easier to dive into my new city and make choices that would feed me rather than just kind of wandering around hoping I meet friends.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. So, finding activities that align with that, right? If you're Yeah. Thank you for reading, joining a book club, or crocheting, or…
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yeah. Yeah. That kind of thing. And then, um, I do a fair amount of work with people, it's just another example with chronic illness and I don't know if you're familiar with spoon theory, but the idea is that we only have so much energy and if you have chronic illness, you have to really allocate those spoons mindfully.
And so this book can help with things like that too, or for busy moms or whatever of like, how do I really want to spend my time and what's going to feed me and what's not going to, and, and make choices based on that. And sometimes we have to make choices that don't feed us, but at least we know that that's what we're doing.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah, making a conscious choice. You talk about that, like within the values, you have a great, um, values exercise. I think values are really important when we. Can start to think about them and how they show up for us and what we want our values to be and then implementing that in our lives.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yeah. And I think what some people have remarked on that's a little different.
Um, so this book has values cards that you can cut out and you can sort, but then we have you sort them in the world of self-care, leisure, work, spirituality, if that's important and relationships and those sorts might look different. And, um, so that kind of helps me know when I'm navigating in different worlds, what's most important to me.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. That makes sense. Cause it's, I mean, it's important. It's a check in that I think we can all do.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Yeah. Yeah. And my value at work might be productivity, but my value in leisure might be rest. And that's okay to have different values, it's just to know what I'm choosing where.
Jessica Fowler: Or to check if that, you know, productivity, if that is your value, or is that your manager's value?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
Jessica Fowler: Um, what is one or two takeaways you would like your readers to walk away with?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Oh, let's see. I just think this work, I think it can be fun. That's my hope is that it doesn't feel arduous. And I think that the book can help increase self-esteem. It can help us set boundaries because it's one thing to know I need to set boundaries it's another to really understand why, and then we're better at knowing being a complete sentence. For people who are dating, it's kind of imperative, and there's a section there on dating and choosing people, um, or finding a better fit with friends. Um, it can decrease people pleasing, and really my hope is, and what people are finding, is it just provides a compass to our choices, and it can free up emotional energy of trying to people please and be people that we're not.
So, I think that there's a lot of values, it just sort of depends on what a person's looking for. And my hope is that. these exercises. They're pretty short and easy. So, I hope that it's accessible for folks. That's what I'm hearing.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. It's not an overwhelming book. And I mean, I guess this is how I read it, is that you can kind of pick a section and work on those exercises, right? Like you don't have to go through and just, it's not a book where you necessarily have to read from front to back and then go back through and do the exercises. They're set up in a way to encourage you to do them kind of as
you go.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Absolutely. And there's no particular order, it's just what attracts you at this, at this moment. And I think the more we do, the more we sort of zero in on that center, that who I am, that giveaway. Um, so they're just different ways to point towards that.
Jessica Fowler: Yeah. Maybe except for the first one, starting with the centering.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Right. Right.
Jessica Fowler: Then you can kind of go pick and choose what.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: You're right. Yeah. Do that first.
Jessica Fowler: Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. Where can our listeners connect with you?
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: Probably my website would be the MaureenKaneCounseling.com is the entry point, and the books are there. So yeah.
Jessica Fowler: Thank you so much for coming on today.
Maureen Kane LMHC, LPCP: You bet. Thanks, Jessica. It was great to talk to you.
Jessica Fowler: You too. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of What Your Therapist Is Reading. Make sure you head on over to the website or social media to find out about the latest giveaway. The information provided in this program is for educational and informational purposes only.
And although I'm a social worker licensed in the state of New York, this program is not intended to provide mental health treatment and does not constitute a patient therapist relationship.